another restless worry filled night.

Its really hard to sleep when I have half a million things on my mind.  At the top of the list I have my dad and his health.  He is not doing so well and I believe its worse than I'm being told. My mother is taking family medical leave from work so she can go to Dr appointments with my dad and take care of him.  This makes me worry very much since the last time she took family medical leave was when my great uncle was dying of cancer and she was his caretaker.   So I know dad's health is worse than I'm being told.  Everyday I wonder how much longer I'll have my dad.  I wonder if I call him enough and does he know I love him. I tell him but is that enough?  Everytime I see a commerical about health issues I'm forced to think about my dad.  Every sad song , especially sad country songs make me think of my dad and losing him.  I can't watch sad movies.  I try really hard not to worry but It just keeps building.   I feel like I'm a bridge under construction that has a massive weight on it , just waiting to bring it down. I know I'm going to fall hard when the day comes ...the day i lose my dad...i will lose so much more than a father..