Hello world...lately I feel like I am so disconnected from you. Feels like I am watching a movie that I am not in. I see people laughing, yet I can't hear their laughter. I see people talking with friends yet I don't hear their words. I see people living their lives yet I am not. I see people touching , hugging , holding hands but I don't know how that feels because I do not feel like I am real. Feels like I'm in a dream where everything seems so real but at the same time nothing real. Strange , I know ..so hard to explain. Feels like I'm living in world I do not belong..yet I truly long to belong. Each day I wake up hoping that I'll feel more alive than I felt yesterday . I wake up wondering if I'll realize what its like to experience life and all that it has to offer. More times than I can count I've felt so detached, unreachable and separated from all that is reality. I truly hope this is all part of a phase I'm going to and won't last. Its become a normal feeling , expected feeling that I can not shake. I try to find ways to feel human but always feels so fake or un-natural..a forced happiness. As I read Thur my friends facebook updates ; Girls night out, morning jog, taking myself to the movies, curled up with a good book, soaking up the sun poolside, taking a nice ride, enjoying a cool evening walk, retail therapy is the best, and the list goes on...I wish I had time to do these things. But I"m a wife and mom , I"m not supposed to want my own time or so I've been told .
In this house my opinions do not matter , my ideas are empty and dreams meaningless...as this post probably will be. Life will continue to go on while I watch ..
