Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
This was a full of week of not Me's and most definitely not Me's. While driving home from the store, I was not speeding,not even a tad bit and I certainly would not have slowed down when I saw a cop behind me, because I did not see a cop and I never would have disobeyed the speeding law. Therefore, I did not stare repeatedly at my rear view mirror and I did not decrease my speed. No way , never would I do such a thing. I did not secretly hope and pray he'd just turn around and find someone else to make nervous.
Tuesday I did not let my daughter skip her tutoring class just because she says it is so boring. No way I made her go , like good moms are supposed to. Put education first and play time later. So there is just no way I let her skip it. Not me!
I got plenty of rest this week. No way did I stay up past 3 am almost ever night. I was in bed early, like I'm supposed to. And if I had stayed up that late, my time would not have been spend mostly on the Internet talking to friends, because I have more important responsibilities to tend to.
I had a full of week of meals planned this week too. So we definitely did not have pizza for dinner twice and Chinese take out. Nope not me, I was well organized and prepared meals for the family.
Oh and Friday , I certainly would not have taken just one child out to dinner and the mall , leaving 3 others at home to have pizza. I wouldn't have done that because One on one time and quality time are not important. I am a fair mommy so no way I would have taken just one child.
As for Saturday, I did not have a mini panic attack after doing the bills. I am way to cool, calm and collective for that. Seeing how broke I am would NOT make me want to hide and cry. I am way stronger than that. Also, I did not decide to pay only half my bills, because feeding my family is NOT nearly important as the bill collectors getting paid. I did NOT enjoy grocery shopping and ignoring the bills.
Lastly on to Sunday , I did not get woke up early than I wanted just to go buy french frys. After coming back with the frys , hubby did NOT say, "Oh I should have asked you to buy pop." after that I did not stare at him with the evil eye look.
I was Not happy to finally be on my way to the mountains to my parents house. I was NOT excited about going to a bridal shower with my mom, daughter and niece. On the way there we tried to listen to my new CD in my mom's car. Of course I did not listen to her warning, "umm my CD player sometimes keeps Cd's , you may not want to put it in," So after said CD player ejected it once , I did NOT press my luck and put it back in the CD player. No that would have been really stupid. But that wonderful CD player did NOT keep my brand new CD. No I still have it , its just invisible. Mom did not say, "you'll get it back in about a month, that's how long it took your brother to get his CD back. " No way she said that, I would remember. Just like that warning that she did NOT SAY. SO I'm not in the least upset about losing my new Sugarland CD. Of course I did not laugh my Ass off about the whole situation.
I did not have Mcdonalds for breakfast this morning. NO I always make healthy choices. I did not Enjoy getting off work early. NOt me, I need the money way to much to be enjoying leaving early. I did not take a nice relaxing shower after my I worked Because I did not have spare time. Because If I did have spare time , I would have used it to do some cleaning. I am not that selfish anyway.
Lasty I was NOT a cranky Bitch for a few hours! No way, not me. I am way to cool for that.
So what have you NOT been up to today?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
dead of the night
In the dead of the night, lying awake , wishing this pain would escape through an open window. Mistakes and heartbreaks have been made. Endure the pain, lie in the bed that of which you have made! Used and played, hope you got as good as you gave.
When morning comes it'll be too late, fate's already decided the path that you should take. Moments in time , lost, forgotten, and erased. Whatever happens now is no longer up to you.
Images scorched in your brain, making it nearly impossible to forget. Worst part isn't even over yet, regret has taken up permanent residency in your soul. Abandon any feelings you ever had, and learn to live with what you've become. So Sad , too bad but deceit has its price. The time has come to pay up! So sorry for your bad luck , this is what happens when you press you luck and push your limits.
This is your life now , buried in sin, go on and live it!!........
When morning comes it'll be too late, fate's already decided the path that you should take. Moments in time , lost, forgotten, and erased. Whatever happens now is no longer up to you.
Images scorched in your brain, making it nearly impossible to forget. Worst part isn't even over yet, regret has taken up permanent residency in your soul. Abandon any feelings you ever had, and learn to live with what you've become. So Sad , too bad but deceit has its price. The time has come to pay up! So sorry for your bad luck , this is what happens when you press you luck and push your limits.
This is your life now , buried in sin, go on and live it!!........
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I don't need no damn sleep!!!
Its 4:48 am.. I should be sleeping but yet I'm more awake that any normal person should be. What the hell is wrong with me? Why the fuck am I not tired? Thou sleep may be a natural process and necessary for one to do, its just not something my system can do or put on a schedule. Perhaps I'm the exception to the rule and sleep isn't' necessary for me. I've functioned on as little as 3 hours of sleep before. Bed at 5am, up at 8 and out the door by 9am. See easy peasy. Ah who needs sleep anyway, its highly overrated and just not my thing. Sleep is for the bears on a cold winter day.
Well hubby went to bed and says "our room is trashed!!" so guess I'll get off my ass and clean the bed off. Doesn't mean I'll sleep thou.
WE shall see.. perhaps I'll be back to add more to this. Good night my readers.. no wait.. good morning, its now 4:57 am.
sleep..ya whatever..as I scream to hubby "I said I'm coming damn it!!"
Well hubby went to bed and says "our room is trashed!!" so guess I'll get off my ass and clean the bed off. Doesn't mean I'll sleep thou.
WE shall see.. perhaps I'll be back to add more to this. Good night my readers.. no wait.. good morning, its now 4:57 am.
sleep..ya whatever..as I scream to hubby "I said I'm coming damn it!!"
Mother , Daughter Time!
Today my daughter and I finally had some long over due quality one on one time. I picked her up after school and after spending 30 minutes looking for my step son ( we won't go there thou,extremely angry!) We were on our way to dinner and the mall!
We were going to have Chinese food but decided on a buffet instead. It was so nice to get away just her and I. She ordered her pop and says.. I want a big cup! It was too cute! We sat in the corner by the window, my favorite spot, away from the noise. The whole way to the restaurant she kept saying she wanted steak but when it came down to it , she ate chicken legs instead. Many chicken legs, more than I would have thought she had room for. Most parents would make their child eat a variety but I was just happy that she was eating at all and getting a full tummy. We talked and laughed over dinner like old friends. Usually her and I argue but tonight we did not. It was awesome! We stayed at the restaurant for a few hours and time just didn't matter. Her and I really need to do this more often. When you live with 5 other people its hard to get away and have one on one time.
After dinner , we went to the mall. Took our time going in every store. I do believe we looked at every piece of jewelry in this one store and all the purses. She was like a little adult. She had her hyper moments too but I kept my cool and didn't let her get on my nerves. I had promised her that we would not fight. so we didn't.
We stopped the pretzel place. Got Pretzel sticks and the best lemon aide ever! We sat on a bench while she ate and watching people go by. The mall was so full of teenagers. OMG.. some of there clothes and styles were so out there. As one girl passed us dressed oddly, my daughter says "mom did you see her pants and boot?!" I was laughing so hard. It was so good to laugh with her.
We stayed at the mall until closing. It was the greatest evening ever! She kept telling it was the best day ever! I can't wait to do this again. I love my daughter so much!
We were going to have Chinese food but decided on a buffet instead. It was so nice to get away just her and I. She ordered her pop and says.. I want a big cup! It was too cute! We sat in the corner by the window, my favorite spot, away from the noise. The whole way to the restaurant she kept saying she wanted steak but when it came down to it , she ate chicken legs instead. Many chicken legs, more than I would have thought she had room for. Most parents would make their child eat a variety but I was just happy that she was eating at all and getting a full tummy. We talked and laughed over dinner like old friends. Usually her and I argue but tonight we did not. It was awesome! We stayed at the restaurant for a few hours and time just didn't matter. Her and I really need to do this more often. When you live with 5 other people its hard to get away and have one on one time.
After dinner , we went to the mall. Took our time going in every store. I do believe we looked at every piece of jewelry in this one store and all the purses. She was like a little adult. She had her hyper moments too but I kept my cool and didn't let her get on my nerves. I had promised her that we would not fight. so we didn't.
We stopped the pretzel place. Got Pretzel sticks and the best lemon aide ever! We sat on a bench while she ate and watching people go by. The mall was so full of teenagers. OMG.. some of there clothes and styles were so out there. As one girl passed us dressed oddly, my daughter says "mom did you see her pants and boot?!" I was laughing so hard. It was so good to laugh with her.
We stayed at the mall until closing. It was the greatest evening ever! She kept telling it was the best day ever! I can't wait to do this again. I love my daughter so much!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
spending time with my man!
Today hubby and I spent the day together, since it was my off day. I've been dying to spend my $25 best buy gift card. We Had been planning to spend today together for a week. After dropping my daughter off at school, we were on our way.
First stop, Best buy to spend my gift card. Woot Woot, a whole $25! It was a nice drive to best buy down a long twisting country road. Sun was shinning a bit and the scenery was just gorgeous. When we got to the store there was a door greeter at the entrance. My hubby's first words were "Woah!" as he stared hard at this man. Dude looked like he had just stepped out of the 70's or maybe even the local homeless shelter. He had long straight hair, a bushy beard and was covered in tattoos. Not really the picture perfect image for a door greeter. We both laughed and couldn't help to stare as we passed by him. Once over that little giggle, I began my search and was determined to use my gift card. My man walked off to the computers, while I started with the Cd's and whatever I could find under 25 bucks. A few store associates approached me asking " Is there anything I can help you with?" but of course as always, I replied with my typical response "No thank you I'm just looking." Scoping out every aisle, I wandered the store in search of the perfect thing to get. Eventually I had narrowed it down to CDs, books, movies, pc games and handheld touch screen games. Finally I made my decision and picked a Sugarland CD, freecell electronic handheld game and orange fayco pop. At the checkout my total was $28 and I knew it was wrong because I had carefully picked items within the gift card amount. So I speak up and say, umm how much was this pop (it was the only thing I didn't' know a price for). The cashier checks and then I have him tell me how much each item was. My game scanned as the wrong price. It was showing up $14.99 but it was clearly marked on the shelf as $9.99. Of course I wasn't' letting this one go, I piped up and said " NO that game is 9.99, that is what the tag said." He goes to look and like I already knew , I was right. So problem solved , prices fixed, I was a happy customer and on my way.
Next stop , Lunch at the Olive Garden! The restaurant wasn't' quite open yet, so we stood outside for a bit. Freezing my butt off too! A group of old men were standing around with us waiting to go inside. They looked like old friends meeting for lunch to catch up. Before we knew it , someone came to unlock the doors and soon we'd be enjoying a nice Italian meal. Everything on the menu looked so delicious that I was having a hard time deciding on just one thing. Usually its hubby that can't decide. We ordered an appetizer, Smoked Mozzarella Fondue. Finally after about ten minutes of staring at the menu, I made my decision and picked Manicotti Formaggio with Chicken. Omg it was so good! Hubby ordered the Chicken Scampi, unlimited soup and salad. It was so nice to have lunch without the kids. Just hubby and I , enjoying each others company. We took our time eating, talking and taking it all in. While desert looked so good , there just wasn't room. I turned my new cd on and we were headed for home.
After driving for awhile and giving our stomach a chance to settle we agreed that we could squeeze in some desert. We both wanted ice cream so we stopped at Dairy Queen close to home and had waffle bowls. I had a chocolate coated waffle bowl with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, strawberries and cool whip. Yummy! Hubby had to have chocolate ice cream with his. I made sure I finished all of my ice cream. It was oh so good!!! MMM wish I had more!
Finally we were home and it was time to get back to our normal life with house full of kids and no where quiet, but the good times were not quite finished. Hubby suggested I order the kids pizza and skip out on cooking. Awesome idea, I thought so I ordered them 2 pizzas.
I had the most perfect day with the greatest man ever! I Love my man so much!
First stop, Best buy to spend my gift card. Woot Woot, a whole $25! It was a nice drive to best buy down a long twisting country road. Sun was shinning a bit and the scenery was just gorgeous. When we got to the store there was a door greeter at the entrance. My hubby's first words were "Woah!" as he stared hard at this man. Dude looked like he had just stepped out of the 70's or maybe even the local homeless shelter. He had long straight hair, a bushy beard and was covered in tattoos. Not really the picture perfect image for a door greeter. We both laughed and couldn't help to stare as we passed by him. Once over that little giggle, I began my search and was determined to use my gift card. My man walked off to the computers, while I started with the Cd's and whatever I could find under 25 bucks. A few store associates approached me asking " Is there anything I can help you with?" but of course as always, I replied with my typical response "No thank you I'm just looking." Scoping out every aisle, I wandered the store in search of the perfect thing to get. Eventually I had narrowed it down to CDs, books, movies, pc games and handheld touch screen games. Finally I made my decision and picked a Sugarland CD, freecell electronic handheld game and orange fayco pop. At the checkout my total was $28 and I knew it was wrong because I had carefully picked items within the gift card amount. So I speak up and say, umm how much was this pop (it was the only thing I didn't' know a price for). The cashier checks and then I have him tell me how much each item was. My game scanned as the wrong price. It was showing up $14.99 but it was clearly marked on the shelf as $9.99. Of course I wasn't' letting this one go, I piped up and said " NO that game is 9.99, that is what the tag said." He goes to look and like I already knew , I was right. So problem solved , prices fixed, I was a happy customer and on my way.
Next stop , Lunch at the Olive Garden! The restaurant wasn't' quite open yet, so we stood outside for a bit. Freezing my butt off too! A group of old men were standing around with us waiting to go inside. They looked like old friends meeting for lunch to catch up. Before we knew it , someone came to unlock the doors and soon we'd be enjoying a nice Italian meal. Everything on the menu looked so delicious that I was having a hard time deciding on just one thing. Usually its hubby that can't decide. We ordered an appetizer, Smoked Mozzarella Fondue. Finally after about ten minutes of staring at the menu, I made my decision and picked Manicotti Formaggio with Chicken. Omg it was so good! Hubby ordered the Chicken Scampi, unlimited soup and salad. It was so nice to have lunch without the kids. Just hubby and I , enjoying each others company. We took our time eating, talking and taking it all in. While desert looked so good , there just wasn't room. I turned my new cd on and we were headed for home.
After driving for awhile and giving our stomach a chance to settle we agreed that we could squeeze in some desert. We both wanted ice cream so we stopped at Dairy Queen close to home and had waffle bowls. I had a chocolate coated waffle bowl with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, strawberries and cool whip. Yummy! Hubby had to have chocolate ice cream with his. I made sure I finished all of my ice cream. It was oh so good!!! MMM wish I had more!
Finally we were home and it was time to get back to our normal life with house full of kids and no where quiet, but the good times were not quite finished. Hubby suggested I order the kids pizza and skip out on cooking. Awesome idea, I thought so I ordered them 2 pizzas.
I had the most perfect day with the greatest man ever! I Love my man so much!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Not me monday
Today I did not wake up cranky , I was wide awake and ready to start my day, with bells on.
When the kids brought friends over after school unexpectedly , I did not take the easy way out and buy pizza, Nope not me. What kind of mother does that?
While listening to my 8 year old tell a vivid story about getting her drivers licenses and all the great places she went today, I did not wish I was her and lived in her world of imagination. No not me.
After dinner I did not escape the basement and pretend to do laundry just to enjoy the silence. Never would I do such a thing.. nope not I.
I did not clean 3 cat boxes just to keep occupied. Not me.
Tonight I will not let the dishes set in the sink , just so I can talk to friends. No not I.
When the kids brought friends over after school unexpectedly , I did not take the easy way out and buy pizza, Nope not me. What kind of mother does that?
While listening to my 8 year old tell a vivid story about getting her drivers licenses and all the great places she went today, I did not wish I was her and lived in her world of imagination. No not me.
After dinner I did not escape the basement and pretend to do laundry just to enjoy the silence. Never would I do such a thing.. nope not I.
I did not clean 3 cat boxes just to keep occupied. Not me.
Tonight I will not let the dishes set in the sink , just so I can talk to friends. No not I.
Friday, January 15, 2010
So I've been wondering something. Why is life like a never ending roller coaster ride? Starts out with a slow up hill climb. Nervously , you look around as the hill gets steeper and steeper. Closer to the top, holding your breath because soon you know the drop is coming. Anticipation and emotions building more and more ,the closer you get. Your cart made it to the top...look out stomach , here comes the knots. Quick jerks and down a huge drop, your world is spinning and you think you might throw up. Its the same feeling you get when your life starts to fall apart. Broken heart, broken dreams , everything you once knew ,completely coming apart at the seams.
Life spins round just like a merry-go-round, making me dizzy all the while.
All this is making very confused, like walking through the fun house.
So many mirrors , faces staring back at you but which is real, who's the fake?
Will I find out before its too late?
One can not say what will happen when you put all your all trust in the ride.
Living for the thrills, putting aside all your fears, laughing til it hurts, until the ride slows to a stop. Heart beating right out of your chest , its time to find a new ride, wait, and see if its as good as the last.
As you leave the park at the end of the day, you realize all memories last awhile and eventually some fade away.....
Life spins round just like a merry-go-round, making me dizzy all the while.
All this is making very confused, like walking through the fun house.
So many mirrors , faces staring back at you but which is real, who's the fake?
Will I find out before its too late?
One can not say what will happen when you put all your all trust in the ride.
Living for the thrills, putting aside all your fears, laughing til it hurts, until the ride slows to a stop. Heart beating right out of your chest , its time to find a new ride, wait, and see if its as good as the last.
As you leave the park at the end of the day, you realize all memories last awhile and eventually some fade away.....
Uncensored...
Tonight its time I speak my mind, no more censoring, no more editing, or deleting to protect the feelings, thoughts or ideas of others. Readers beware the gloves have come off and nothing is off limits.
With so much on my mind I'm not sure where to start. This should be easy but its not. Ah just need to find my groove and uncover the mood. Time to get this ball rolling....
Lately I'm feeling out of sorts and out of touch with reality , with me and my whole damn life! Everything is spinning and spiraling out of control, just can't seem to get a grip. Its as if I'm stuck in a nightmare, hooked on some pills, and its going to be a bad trip baby. Nothing is ever as it seems. Nothings wrong yet there isn't anything right. Don't try to make sense of it, there isn't any.
For years on end I've been a people pleaser. Pleasing them , giving into them, just doing whatever the hell is needed to please them! Almost never do I take time out for me, please me , do what I need or want. I'd like to think I'm pretty damn selfless but others have called me a selfish bitch. Apparently my definition and theirs are not the same. I think 2010 is a year for change, time to please me for a change. They wont' be happy. They'll think I've gone insane but I don't care. If the mood strikes me and I want to dance in the rain, then damn it I'm going to fucking dance in the rain! If I want to wear one blue shoe and one red shoe, wake up outta bed with bedhead and head out the door.. then I want them to ignore me. This is my new fashion, my new creation and their opinions are not welcome. So while my ideas and thoughts might be a little on the bizarre side, you get the picture. I'm going to be a "Ruby Pleaser" and anyone who doesn't like it can just deal with it. I've dealt with far too much complaints, whines, grumbles and just shit! I'm a grown woman with responsibilities , good judgement, and morals, I deserve to be happy too!
Listening to music has distracted me and fizzled my mood. Fair warning thou...this isn't over , its just begun, I'll be back.....
With so much on my mind I'm not sure where to start. This should be easy but its not. Ah just need to find my groove and uncover the mood. Time to get this ball rolling....
Lately I'm feeling out of sorts and out of touch with reality , with me and my whole damn life! Everything is spinning and spiraling out of control, just can't seem to get a grip. Its as if I'm stuck in a nightmare, hooked on some pills, and its going to be a bad trip baby. Nothing is ever as it seems. Nothings wrong yet there isn't anything right. Don't try to make sense of it, there isn't any.
For years on end I've been a people pleaser. Pleasing them , giving into them, just doing whatever the hell is needed to please them! Almost never do I take time out for me, please me , do what I need or want. I'd like to think I'm pretty damn selfless but others have called me a selfish bitch. Apparently my definition and theirs are not the same. I think 2010 is a year for change, time to please me for a change. They wont' be happy. They'll think I've gone insane but I don't care. If the mood strikes me and I want to dance in the rain, then damn it I'm going to fucking dance in the rain! If I want to wear one blue shoe and one red shoe, wake up outta bed with bedhead and head out the door.. then I want them to ignore me. This is my new fashion, my new creation and their opinions are not welcome. So while my ideas and thoughts might be a little on the bizarre side, you get the picture. I'm going to be a "Ruby Pleaser" and anyone who doesn't like it can just deal with it. I've dealt with far too much complaints, whines, grumbles and just shit! I'm a grown woman with responsibilities , good judgement, and morals, I deserve to be happy too!
Listening to music has distracted me and fizzled my mood. Fair warning thou...this isn't over , its just begun, I'll be back.....
Monday, January 11, 2010
Bridge.....
I've stumbled upon a bridge that I am afraid to cross, thou it may be my loss, I am terrified to make a move. Pushing forward will prove fate wrong or right, but standing still will prevent me from losing it all. At this height , Is it really worth the risk.. worth the fight?
Whats waiting on the other side is a mystery that I have yet to discover. The world I'd leave behind is my safe haven , where I can hide and keep denying. If only he could see the look in my eye, there'd be no more denying. I fear that if i start on this journey , I may get stuck in the middle and if it collapses, I'll fall to into the bottomless pit below, tumbling to my death.
No search or rescue teams will come looking for me. At the bottomless pit, I'll forever remain, cold , alone , lying in pain. Nothing will ever be the same. As I lie awake at night , I'll always wonder if the other side was better than where I came from...
Staring to the sky , hope in my eyes...shooting star .......bolt of lighting...something send me a sign. Should I cross this bridge or stand here and always wonder what waited on the other side?
Whats waiting on the other side is a mystery that I have yet to discover. The world I'd leave behind is my safe haven , where I can hide and keep denying. If only he could see the look in my eye, there'd be no more denying. I fear that if i start on this journey , I may get stuck in the middle and if it collapses, I'll fall to into the bottomless pit below, tumbling to my death.
No search or rescue teams will come looking for me. At the bottomless pit, I'll forever remain, cold , alone , lying in pain. Nothing will ever be the same. As I lie awake at night , I'll always wonder if the other side was better than where I came from...
Staring to the sky , hope in my eyes...shooting star .......bolt of lighting...something send me a sign. Should I cross this bridge or stand here and always wonder what waited on the other side?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
In a world where fairy tales go untold , stories of deceit and lies begin to unfold.
Freezing cold stone hearts, bruised, broken and ripped apart.
Evil eyes piercing through the soul leaving one feeling completely lost and out of control.
A Fear, feeling of sheer hopelessness, that no one should ever know, consumes all without remorse.
A method of madness , wreaking force that takes action without regret.
A victim of circumstance, stands alone , scared and wanting to go home.
Only , home isn't a choice anymore. Stumbling along , searching for a reason while screaming to be heard and realizing there's a lesson to be learned.
In the darkness , a voice calls out "Come with me , I can help you out..". With shaking hands reaching out , letting go of all doubt....she grabs his hand and begins to stand. This could be her last chance. Proming herself "I'll only go forward, no more looking back..."
Freezing cold stone hearts, bruised, broken and ripped apart.
Evil eyes piercing through the soul leaving one feeling completely lost and out of control.
A Fear, feeling of sheer hopelessness, that no one should ever know, consumes all without remorse.
A method of madness , wreaking force that takes action without regret.
A victim of circumstance, stands alone , scared and wanting to go home.
Only , home isn't a choice anymore. Stumbling along , searching for a reason while screaming to be heard and realizing there's a lesson to be learned.
In the darkness , a voice calls out "Come with me , I can help you out..". With shaking hands reaching out , letting go of all doubt....she grabs his hand and begins to stand. This could be her last chance. Proming herself "I'll only go forward, no more looking back..."
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