Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Year's ending...
So it's been quite the year. Full of surprises, laughter, disappointments, hard times, and tears, to say the least its been one hell of a year.
Moments that you wished could last forever , flew by quicker than a blink
Moments that you just wanted to end, seemed to last an eternity
Moments that you'll never get back, gone, vanished without a trace. Lost are the memories that we can never replace
Moments of sadness, seemed to linger in the wind. Forcing us to relive them over and over again.
Moments of weakness, hovered over us, holding us to the ground. Feeling like the weight of the world was upon us.
Moments of rage, days where we could only see red, and walked around with a dark cloud above our head. Wishing we could just go back to bed.
Moments of laughter that seemed to plaster a smile on our faces the whole day Thur, was just a passing phase we knew it was too good to be true.
Moments that I thought I'd surely die without you, memories held me and carried me Through
Moments that I wanted to run screaming but stayed and battled through the war
Moments that I felt hate and fear down to my very core and thought I could not take anymore
Moments when the darkness consumed me , taken over me and was all that I could see until a small flicker of light shimmered at the end of the tunnel.
At last the moment has come , a hopeful feeling washes over me as a new year awaits....fate please let this year be a good one.....
Moments that you wished could last forever , flew by quicker than a blink
Moments that you just wanted to end, seemed to last an eternity
Moments that you'll never get back, gone, vanished without a trace. Lost are the memories that we can never replace
Moments of sadness, seemed to linger in the wind. Forcing us to relive them over and over again.
Moments of weakness, hovered over us, holding us to the ground. Feeling like the weight of the world was upon us.
Moments of rage, days where we could only see red, and walked around with a dark cloud above our head. Wishing we could just go back to bed.
Moments of laughter that seemed to plaster a smile on our faces the whole day Thur, was just a passing phase we knew it was too good to be true.
Moments that I thought I'd surely die without you, memories held me and carried me Through
Moments that I wanted to run screaming but stayed and battled through the war
Moments that I felt hate and fear down to my very core and thought I could not take anymore
Moments when the darkness consumed me , taken over me and was all that I could see until a small flicker of light shimmered at the end of the tunnel.
At last the moment has come , a hopeful feeling washes over me as a new year awaits....fate please let this year be a good one.....
Sunday, December 20, 2009
My Christmas miracle!
So If you read my last post , I truly believed that there would be no Christmas here but that just was not to be. Thanks to the grandmothers and the mortgage company...Christmas was saved.
Just when I was about to give up all hope and tell my daughter that Santa didn't exist and break her little heart, a wave of good news washed in. It started with breakfast with my mom. We were having the greatest time just talking and of course the subject of Christmas came up. Being the awesome mom that she is, she already knew that things were tight and we didn't have much of a Christmas planned this year. So she tells me, "I had some money put aside for you , its not much but it should help out." Aww I wanted to cry! She's the best mom ever. Of course I tried to tell her no but she wouldn't' listen. I hugged her and thanked her! Right away I began to get my Christmas spirt back and a huge feeling of relief came over me.
Later I came home to tell hubby the great news and he had great news for me too. His mother called him to tell him she had money for the kids and us. Wow , just awesome!! Everything was working out for us. I finally had a reason to be happy for the season and enjoy it .
(drum roll please).. lets not forget the mortgage company. The very next day I decided to check the mail on my break from work, which I never do. OMG! I was so shocked when I opened a letter from our mortgage company, It seems there was an overpayment throughout the year and they were mailing us the difference. This was fantastic and now I was sure that this year would turn out just right. So far everything has. The Christmas tree is done, shopping finished and snow on the ground. What else could I ask for?
Its true miracles really can come true!!!
Just when I was about to give up all hope and tell my daughter that Santa didn't exist and break her little heart, a wave of good news washed in. It started with breakfast with my mom. We were having the greatest time just talking and of course the subject of Christmas came up. Being the awesome mom that she is, she already knew that things were tight and we didn't have much of a Christmas planned this year. So she tells me, "I had some money put aside for you , its not much but it should help out." Aww I wanted to cry! She's the best mom ever. Of course I tried to tell her no but she wouldn't' listen. I hugged her and thanked her! Right away I began to get my Christmas spirt back and a huge feeling of relief came over me.
Later I came home to tell hubby the great news and he had great news for me too. His mother called him to tell him she had money for the kids and us. Wow , just awesome!! Everything was working out for us. I finally had a reason to be happy for the season and enjoy it .
(drum roll please).. lets not forget the mortgage company. The very next day I decided to check the mail on my break from work, which I never do. OMG! I was so shocked when I opened a letter from our mortgage company, It seems there was an overpayment throughout the year and they were mailing us the difference. This was fantastic and now I was sure that this year would turn out just right. So far everything has. The Christmas tree is done, shopping finished and snow on the ground. What else could I ask for?
Its true miracles really can come true!!!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Broken christmas dreams..
So its that time of year again, when Christmas spirt fills the air and children's laughter can be heard everywhere. Shoppers buzz around the stores in search of the perfect gift, while clerks become dizzy watching them scurry about in their frantic last mintue moments. Procrastion has taken over the nation.
Trimming the tree , hanging the lights , stocking drapped over the mantle and singing christmas carols, all done so meticulously. Sweet scents of cookies and friut cakes baking fill the room, with family in the kitchen sneaking about trying to st eal a sample the treats from under moms nose but she gives them all a look that says "Don't you dare!". Giggles all around , jokes among the crowd as they know soon they sneak a nibble and have just a taste of the greatest sweets around. Better than anything ever tasted because mom baked them with love and care.
Parties to be planned and arrangements to be made for the out of town family flying in to stay, visit a bit, a whole year to catch up on. Oh and lets not forget the in-laws and all the great magical moments to be shared (Psst..for some its just not so magical). Then there's the relatives that you see on a regular basis but seeing them always brings a smile to your face. As guests arrive you touch up last mintue things just hoping that all will go smoothly and almost perfectly. (Psst..this will never happen)
Christmas eve is finally here, the day we've all waited for is soon to come. We'll sit down for dinner on this christmas eve , praying for the meal before us, the family and friends and just enjoying being together as a family. Everything is progressing so nicely despite the remarks from your grandfather stating the obvious "looks like you've put on a few pounds since last year, your solid now" as he chuckles..but he is so easily excused and forgiven.. as grandma chimes in "oh you know he didn't mean that " as she glares across the table at him wanting to kick him . If only her legs were longer.
At last, Christmas morning is here. Presents wrapped so neatly under the tree waiting for the kids smiling faces to see and rip open so quickly. Ah the joys of christmas morning, the proud parents amazed that things went off without a hitch. This is christmas..this is what its all about, the memories , families and the smile on a small childs face. You sit back , watch , enjoy as them beam and shine with such wonderous joy.
Now I know this is the perfect story but there is a twist.....this year will not be like this here at my house. Christmas just may not exist and dreams may be shattered. With our wonderful ecomony , there just isn't enough funds to make this year the best. So I'll have to find a way to break the news to them or destroy their dreams and beliefs about santa , promising them I'll make it up to them ..perhaps with uncle sams money. Should I even bother decorating? Can I just skip over christmas this year? Their little sad faces will be the worst gift ever this year...I'm so beside myself with worry, regret for not saving and worst of all breaking their hearts as mine breaks apart too.....I just don't know what I'll do this year.
Trimming the tree , hanging the lights , stocking drapped over the mantle and singing christmas carols, all done so meticulously. Sweet scents of cookies and friut cakes baking fill the room, with family in the kitchen sneaking about trying to st eal a sample the treats from under moms nose but she gives them all a look that says "Don't you dare!". Giggles all around , jokes among the crowd as they know soon they sneak a nibble and have just a taste of the greatest sweets around. Better than anything ever tasted because mom baked them with love and care.
Parties to be planned and arrangements to be made for the out of town family flying in to stay, visit a bit, a whole year to catch up on. Oh and lets not forget the in-laws and all the great magical moments to be shared (Psst..for some its just not so magical). Then there's the relatives that you see on a regular basis but seeing them always brings a smile to your face. As guests arrive you touch up last mintue things just hoping that all will go smoothly and almost perfectly. (Psst..this will never happen)
Christmas eve is finally here, the day we've all waited for is soon to come. We'll sit down for dinner on this christmas eve , praying for the meal before us, the family and friends and just enjoying being together as a family. Everything is progressing so nicely despite the remarks from your grandfather stating the obvious "looks like you've put on a few pounds since last year, your solid now" as he chuckles..but he is so easily excused and forgiven.. as grandma chimes in "oh you know he didn't mean that " as she glares across the table at him wanting to kick him . If only her legs were longer.
At last, Christmas morning is here. Presents wrapped so neatly under the tree waiting for the kids smiling faces to see and rip open so quickly. Ah the joys of christmas morning, the proud parents amazed that things went off without a hitch. This is christmas..this is what its all about, the memories , families and the smile on a small childs face. You sit back , watch , enjoy as them beam and shine with such wonderous joy.
Now I know this is the perfect story but there is a twist.....this year will not be like this here at my house. Christmas just may not exist and dreams may be shattered. With our wonderful ecomony , there just isn't enough funds to make this year the best. So I'll have to find a way to break the news to them or destroy their dreams and beliefs about santa , promising them I'll make it up to them ..perhaps with uncle sams money. Should I even bother decorating? Can I just skip over christmas this year? Their little sad faces will be the worst gift ever this year...I'm so beside myself with worry, regret for not saving and worst of all breaking their hearts as mine breaks apart too.....I just don't know what I'll do this year.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Hell....
As calm as the eye of a storm, blood drops silently hit the flood
A puddle begins to form, all is quiet, all is still but not the norm
A body once so warm and fragile, slowly become increasingly cold
A chill sweeps over the room, a known presence is lurking among us
What once was, will never be again now that sin has been invited back in
A nameless, faceless soul now awaits its last remaining fate
A shell of a man stands alone amidst the flames, as the master has finally come to claim what is rightfully his and take him home, into his lair
Devoured by his evilness, emptiness is all that remains only to spend an eternity in purgatory
His screams and cries will never be heard as his flesh melts and burns into ash
Ashes blown in the wind, sin has vanished, forgotten....gone...
A puddle begins to form, all is quiet, all is still but not the norm
A body once so warm and fragile, slowly become increasingly cold
A chill sweeps over the room, a known presence is lurking among us
What once was, will never be again now that sin has been invited back in
A nameless, faceless soul now awaits its last remaining fate
A shell of a man stands alone amidst the flames, as the master has finally come to claim what is rightfully his and take him home, into his lair
Devoured by his evilness, emptiness is all that remains only to spend an eternity in purgatory
His screams and cries will never be heard as his flesh melts and burns into ash
Ashes blown in the wind, sin has vanished, forgotten....gone...
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