My Own Angel!

          This year went by all too fast but in a way I'm glad to see it come to an end.  This year my dad became very sick and needed to be at the doctor or hospital quite often.  He has always been a fighter and was never one to give up but as he had put it  He was " out of gas and tired" .  He never stopped doing for others or doing work around the house, no matter how tired or sick he felt he just kept moving.   I admire that man for everything and I hope to be like him someday.   June 6, 2012 the greatest man I ever knew lost the battle and went home to heaven.  My dad was a truly a great man that no one will ever forget.   He worked hard, helped others as much as he could and loved his friends & family with all his heart!     Our world will never be the same without him but we know he's our own angel watching over us.   In 2013, I hope to become more like he was and do all I can to remember and honor him. 

I love you dad "charles 'bus' Matthews" ! 

I've been walking around with a cloud above my head since you went away.
Everyone tells me time will heal all wounds and that you watch  over me everyday.
I've been wondering when I'll sense your  presence and feel at peace knowing you walk with me.
I can't see past the pain to begin living again.
I can't stop missing you and wishing you were still here with me.
Feels like forever since I hugged you.
Feels like forever until we meet again.
A million tears I've cried for you, billions more will fall.
I miss you dad everyday and will love you forever.


I wish I could visit heaven ..to see your face, hold your hand , laugh with you and hear you tell me you love me , that your proud of me ..over and over. miss u dad.

Remembering My Daddy the greatest racer #5 !

I was supposed to go to the race track today where my dad used to race but it was canceled because of the rain.

For my dad and his memory, I will make it a point to attend more races next season.

I know I'll find myself searching for your car daddy # 5.

I can't promise to watch the race without tears in my eyes.

I can't promise my heart won't break each time the chargers go round the track..cause daddy that was your class.

I will remember you for the great man you were and how you always did whatever you could to help others.

Your love, smile, and kindness will live forever in my heart.

I love you daddy!
3/23/51-6/7/12

Dreams

~~~~~~~~~~Dreams~~~~~~~~~~
For every dreamer there is a dream that hangs in the balance of destiny waiting to come true.
For every Dream there is a soul waiting to see it through.
For every soul there is a dream dying to become a reality.
In reality, there millions of dreamers who will pursue the dream But in truth only hundreds will make them come true.
... Which will you be ...of the thousdands or of the hundreds?
Dare to dream, let your dreams grow wings and fly high into the sky.
You'll never know until you try. ~~~Ruby Wolfe~~~

another restless worry filled night.

Its really hard to sleep when I have half a million things on my mind.  At the top of the list I have my dad and his health.  He is not doing so well and I believe its worse than I'm being told. My mother is taking family medical leave from work so she can go to Dr appointments with my dad and take care of him.  This makes me worry very much since the last time she took family medical leave was when my great uncle was dying of cancer and she was his caretaker.   So I know dad's health is worse than I'm being told.  Everyday I wonder how much longer I'll have my dad.  I wonder if I call him enough and does he know I love him. I tell him but is that enough?  Everytime I see a commerical about health issues I'm forced to think about my dad.  Every sad song , especially sad country songs make me think of my dad and losing him.  I can't watch sad movies.  I try really hard not to worry but It just keeps building.   I feel like I'm a bridge under construction that has a massive weight on it , just waiting to bring it down. I know I'm going to fall hard when the day comes ...the day i lose my dad...i will lose so much more than a father..