So its that time of year again ..Christmas. Thou it doesn't feel like Christmas in my heart. I truly feel like I can not find this Christmas spirt that people speak so highly of. Once a upon a time , I was a child that had the bright glimmer in my eyes at the mere mention of the word but over the years the glimmer has dimmed so much , so much that's its nearly impossible to see. I don't feel happiness, love or peace ..to say the least its an empty feeling. A feeling that I really can not explain , a feeling that I can't begin to make the world understand. Its like the song 'Numb' " I've become so numb that i can't feel you there"...
I'd really love to have that Joy in my heart . Walk around singing and humming all the wonderful Christmas songs all day long. I have a little girl that loves Christmas and tells me how she has joy in her heart. She desperately tries to help me find my joy and be as happy as she is. Christmas is but a week away ..I just pray that I can find the Joy and share it with her before this season passes. My baby girl deserves all the happiness in the world and a mother that shines as bright as that love in her eyes.
Sweetheart , baby girl , child of mine ...If I do nothing else , I promise you I will find that Christmas Joy before Christmas morning.
To whomever it may concern : Wish me luck , give me hope , help me find this joy , happiness , love for Christmas and life.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thankful!
So its that time of year again....Time to be thankful for all that I have. I am thankful for alot of things in my life but lately I feel like I'm not appreciated by my family and by family I mean the ones I live with. So before I start griping and complaining , I'll tell all the things I am important for in no particular order.
I am thankful for first for my parents, without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. Thanks mom and dad for loving me, teaching me right from wrong , holding my hand when I was a small child , drying my eyes when I skinned my knees , letting me crying on your shoulders when life knocked me down and thanks for helping me find the strength to go on , never giving up. One thing that can not go unsaid...I am very grateful to have my dad in my life , thankful god and the doctors helped him to get better and be here with us. I am also very thankful for the relationship I have with my mom. She always been like a best friend to me.
I am thankful for my brothers...even when they are annoying. I wouldn't know what to do without them. Love both of you so very much!! <3
I am thankful for my family at home, my husband, my sweetheart (daughter) and my step kids. We've been Thur alot together over the years but there's nothing fate can throw at us that we can not handle.
I am thankful that the kids have such an amazing dad. They can come to him with anything. I am so very thankful for my daughter ..she makes me smile when nothing else can. Love you sweetheart , you are mommy's world.
I am thankful for the house that we live in and roof over our heads. ( thou I do pray the contractors fix our roof soon) . I'm so glad we live in a nice neighborhood and have good neighbors.
I am thankful for my work at home job and that I never have to drive in the snow to go work. Its also great that I never need a babysitter, the kids occupy themselves while I work.
I am so very glad and grateful that all of my kids are healthy.
I'm sure there are many more things I am thankful for..just can't put them all into words tonight.
Lastly...I do wish I felt appreciated. I am Mom , wife , taxi cab driver , cook, maid, secretary , and if your a mother you know exactly what I mean. I just feel like I keep doing, keep giving and I rarely hear thank you.
I am thankful for first for my parents, without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. Thanks mom and dad for loving me, teaching me right from wrong , holding my hand when I was a small child , drying my eyes when I skinned my knees , letting me crying on your shoulders when life knocked me down and thanks for helping me find the strength to go on , never giving up. One thing that can not go unsaid...I am very grateful to have my dad in my life , thankful god and the doctors helped him to get better and be here with us. I am also very thankful for the relationship I have with my mom. She always been like a best friend to me.
I am thankful for my brothers...even when they are annoying. I wouldn't know what to do without them. Love both of you so very much!! <3
I am thankful for my family at home, my husband, my sweetheart (daughter) and my step kids. We've been Thur alot together over the years but there's nothing fate can throw at us that we can not handle.
I am thankful that the kids have such an amazing dad. They can come to him with anything. I am so very thankful for my daughter ..she makes me smile when nothing else can. Love you sweetheart , you are mommy's world.
I am thankful for the house that we live in and roof over our heads. ( thou I do pray the contractors fix our roof soon) . I'm so glad we live in a nice neighborhood and have good neighbors.
I am thankful for my work at home job and that I never have to drive in the snow to go work. Its also great that I never need a babysitter, the kids occupy themselves while I work.
I am so very glad and grateful that all of my kids are healthy.
I'm sure there are many more things I am thankful for..just can't put them all into words tonight.
Lastly...I do wish I felt appreciated. I am Mom , wife , taxi cab driver , cook, maid, secretary , and if your a mother you know exactly what I mean. I just feel like I keep doing, keep giving and I rarely hear thank you.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
My daughter is amazing!
My daughter and I went to the mountains today to visit with my parents (her grandparents) and family. We both love it there , its so peaceful and relaxing. Its beautiful this time of year with all the fall leaves changing and falling. Today was not completely peaceful or relaxing thou. Behind my parents house sits an old camper that my niece and daughter have turned into a play place. For the past 3 weeks they have been spending hours playing in that old camper but today my daughter did NOT want to play inside it. Of course my niece wanted to because she thinks its the coolest place ever!! So she was upset and disappointed when her cousin told her she didn't want to play inside the camper today. I can't make my daughter go play there .. I tried but she's just as stubborn as I am and flat out refused. I kept trying to make suggestions and get them to compromise and play something else but both girls were being stubborn and unwilling to compromise. The whole time we were visiting they wouldn't play together. It was giving me a headache. so naturally I finally said " we are going home" and that was the end of it. I really was not ready to leave but a person can only take so much of bickering kids. Right?
On the way home we listened to music , taking turns like we always do... She gets to listen to two songs and I get to listen to two. Although she will listen to commercials if she doesnt' find a song and fifteen minutes later still declare it to be her turn because no song that she "Liked" has played yet. Yes it drives me insane. We were almost home and she starts about the camper. " I dont' know why she wants to play in that dumb camper all the time . Its boring! its cold! " I tried telling her that maybe she could have gone in for just a bit. But omg that was like telling her she had to get a tooth pulled. Just not happening.
Later in the evening after bath time , I went in to her room to make her bed. I found her diary on her bed and peeked in it. yes I know bad mom but she's only 9 what could she be writing about. Most of it I couldnt' read her hand writing so couldn't tell you what that was about . But I did find one page that was neatly written that said " My lif is wrong" (yes she forgot the e in life) I was so sad by that short little line. At first I thought this had been written by her older sister. The writing was too neat and I didnt' think my daughter knew how to spell 'wrong' . So I asked her " How do you spell the word wrong?" and she was quick to respond " W-R-O-N-G" and then even quicker to ask me why I wanted to know. Right away she came into her room and saw the diary on her bed and asked me if I had read it . I'm not good at lying to her so I admitted I had and asked her about that one statement " my lif is wrong" . Then I learned why she feels her life is wrong. First came the camper experience ....' you shouldn't make me play in the camper I don't like it in there' Next was school....she began crying and telling me how she doesn't like her school Or have many friends. explaining to me how she used to get picked on but doesnt' now but she doesn't get picked for things in gym class til last or close to it. All I could think of was to tell her Awesome and great her dad and I think she is and how much we love her. I told her those kids that didnt' pick her for things didnt' know how great she is and they were missing out . I think its terrible that kids should have to feel bad about going to school and how other children act toward them. When I hear about this type of thing, it always makes me wonder what their parents are teaching them. I've always told my daughter to be nice and kind to others. Share toys. Its never right to pick on someone else. All the things I was taught growing up. My daughter and I laid in her bed talking for almost an hour. Talking about TV shows and cartoons that we both liked. I was telling her about shows that i watched when I was a kid that are still on now. She was so excited to learn about the things I liked as a child. When I mentioned something that she liked too she would get excited and say "me too!!!" . Oh and my favorite thing she said to me was " This is so fascinating! You are just like me mom and I'll like you!" I know I've been just rambling on and on but on last point I want to make. I am glad I found that diary entry because we had such an amazing talk afterwards and made me realize we don't have enough of those talks. I want her to feel like she can tell me more and not always have to write in her diary. My daughter is the most amazing beautiful little girl I know and I'm so grateful to have her in my life!!!
On the way home we listened to music , taking turns like we always do... She gets to listen to two songs and I get to listen to two. Although she will listen to commercials if she doesnt' find a song and fifteen minutes later still declare it to be her turn because no song that she "Liked" has played yet. Yes it drives me insane. We were almost home and she starts about the camper. " I dont' know why she wants to play in that dumb camper all the time . Its boring! its cold! " I tried telling her that maybe she could have gone in for just a bit. But omg that was like telling her she had to get a tooth pulled. Just not happening.
Later in the evening after bath time , I went in to her room to make her bed. I found her diary on her bed and peeked in it. yes I know bad mom but she's only 9 what could she be writing about. Most of it I couldnt' read her hand writing so couldn't tell you what that was about . But I did find one page that was neatly written that said " My lif is wrong" (yes she forgot the e in life) I was so sad by that short little line. At first I thought this had been written by her older sister. The writing was too neat and I didnt' think my daughter knew how to spell 'wrong' . So I asked her " How do you spell the word wrong?" and she was quick to respond " W-R-O-N-G" and then even quicker to ask me why I wanted to know. Right away she came into her room and saw the diary on her bed and asked me if I had read it . I'm not good at lying to her so I admitted I had and asked her about that one statement " my lif is wrong" . Then I learned why she feels her life is wrong. First came the camper experience ....' you shouldn't make me play in the camper I don't like it in there' Next was school....she began crying and telling me how she doesn't like her school Or have many friends. explaining to me how she used to get picked on but doesnt' now but she doesn't get picked for things in gym class til last or close to it. All I could think of was to tell her Awesome and great her dad and I think she is and how much we love her. I told her those kids that didnt' pick her for things didnt' know how great she is and they were missing out . I think its terrible that kids should have to feel bad about going to school and how other children act toward them. When I hear about this type of thing, it always makes me wonder what their parents are teaching them. I've always told my daughter to be nice and kind to others. Share toys. Its never right to pick on someone else. All the things I was taught growing up. My daughter and I laid in her bed talking for almost an hour. Talking about TV shows and cartoons that we both liked. I was telling her about shows that i watched when I was a kid that are still on now. She was so excited to learn about the things I liked as a child. When I mentioned something that she liked too she would get excited and say "me too!!!" . Oh and my favorite thing she said to me was " This is so fascinating! You are just like me mom and I'll like you!" I know I've been just rambling on and on but on last point I want to make. I am glad I found that diary entry because we had such an amazing talk afterwards and made me realize we don't have enough of those talks. I want her to feel like she can tell me more and not always have to write in her diary. My daughter is the most amazing beautiful little girl I know and I'm so grateful to have her in my life!!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Fallin Apart...
Lately I feel like I'm starting to fall apart. My health is starting to worry me yet I havent' went to the Dr ...I will soon. It started a few weeks ago with feeling very tired and overwhelmed...which just seemed normal to me. I'm always busy doing something around the house and I am known to be a night owl. I've been super stressed out thou for the past month or two. We have been having issues with both vehicles. The car needs a new motor and the new jeep even had some minor problems. Also I've been worried about our roof. All summer long we were supposed to have contractors come fix the roof but they keep putting us off and changing the date. The colder it gets and closer to winter , the more I worry. I don't want snow to fly and not have our roof fixed. Its bad enough that every time it rains , the damn roof leaks. I just want it fixed soon.
So back to my health...the past few days I've noticed my breathing is funny, like feels like i lose my breath easy or it catches . When that happens, my chest feels tight too for a few minutes and i feel really wore out . As if I was out jogging. So I had lunch with my mom yesterday and was telling her how I have been feeling. She tells me it sounds Like I could have the same problem she had. Mom's heart was skipping a beat and she had to take this vitamin to correct it ( CO Q10) . My mom checked my pulse rate and told me my heart was skipping a beat as well. So of course she went out and bought me some co Q10 (72 day supply) and tells me to take this , see how I feel. I said " ok doc mom I will see and maybe still make a dr appt." I've inherited every other aliment she's ever had so why not this too. go figure. Oh and mom says I should have a mamogram done , its never too early she says. I'm not sure I want one. I'm scared of what I might find out. My luck is bad enough!
Oh and one final complaint. I got a rash on both of my legs just above my knees and its driving me crazy. Itches so unbelievably bad and burns . I've tried lotion, vaseline and Cortizone cream. It always comes back and starts bothering me so freaking bad. OMG i tried to shower, It burned like crazy!!! So yet another thing i'll tell the dr about. Ahhhh well i'm off to bed...exhausted , itching and annoyed now.
So back to my health...the past few days I've noticed my breathing is funny, like feels like i lose my breath easy or it catches . When that happens, my chest feels tight too for a few minutes and i feel really wore out . As if I was out jogging. So I had lunch with my mom yesterday and was telling her how I have been feeling. She tells me it sounds Like I could have the same problem she had. Mom's heart was skipping a beat and she had to take this vitamin to correct it ( CO Q10) . My mom checked my pulse rate and told me my heart was skipping a beat as well. So of course she went out and bought me some co Q10 (72 day supply) and tells me to take this , see how I feel. I said " ok doc mom I will see and maybe still make a dr appt." I've inherited every other aliment she's ever had so why not this too. go figure. Oh and mom says I should have a mamogram done , its never too early she says. I'm not sure I want one. I'm scared of what I might find out. My luck is bad enough!
Oh and one final complaint. I got a rash on both of my legs just above my knees and its driving me crazy. Itches so unbelievably bad and burns . I've tried lotion, vaseline and Cortizone cream. It always comes back and starts bothering me so freaking bad. OMG i tried to shower, It burned like crazy!!! So yet another thing i'll tell the dr about. Ahhhh well i'm off to bed...exhausted , itching and annoyed now.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Traveling down a road that I'm much to familiar with because sometimes staying on the beaten path is easier that finding a new one.
Its a habit I should learn to break...
A portrait that only existed in my mind; never to be seen by another admiring eye...
A mountain that was never worth the climb; I'm a afraid of heights anyway...
A prison cell I've always known; feels like home...
Its a garden that's overflowing with weeds; shown a little love it might have grown...
Its the moment you realize you have nothing left to give; hopelessness has moved in...
"Its the elephant in the room and we pretend we don't see it" (Kris Allen, the truth)...
Its the tunnel with no light at the end; shattered by the passing train...
Its the last tear drop rolling down your cheek ; as pain turns to numbness...
Its a fear of flying when only two shoots remain; damn shame there was 5 passengers on the plane...
Its standing in the middle of a lighting storm; begging, strike me down please..
Its a habit I should learn to break...
A portrait that only existed in my mind; never to be seen by another admiring eye...
A mountain that was never worth the climb; I'm a afraid of heights anyway...
A prison cell I've always known; feels like home...
Its a garden that's overflowing with weeds; shown a little love it might have grown...
Its the moment you realize you have nothing left to give; hopelessness has moved in...
"Its the elephant in the room and we pretend we don't see it" (Kris Allen, the truth)...
Its the tunnel with no light at the end; shattered by the passing train...
Its the last tear drop rolling down your cheek ; as pain turns to numbness...
Its a fear of flying when only two shoots remain; damn shame there was 5 passengers on the plane...
Its standing in the middle of a lighting storm; begging, strike me down please..
Monday, June 21, 2010
So it's been forever since I've wrote anything ...atleast anything noteworthy. Perhaps I've lost my creative edge or misplaced it along the way. If you find it, by all means ship back to me , US Air Mail ....if you please.
Just seems I've lost all motivation these days and I'm so lacking in the idea department. My heart is happy, my body is just drained and my mind has been paralyzed temporarily.
Some people can cry at the drop of a hat, I used to be able to write like that. Now I just don't know where my mojo is at. In all my life I've never broken a bone until now but I do believe I've gone and broken my creative bone. Sure hope it mends soon , I do miss it so .
Just seems I've lost all motivation these days and I'm so lacking in the idea department. My heart is happy, my body is just drained and my mind has been paralyzed temporarily.
Some people can cry at the drop of a hat, I used to be able to write like that. Now I just don't know where my mojo is at. In all my life I've never broken a bone until now but I do believe I've gone and broken my creative bone. Sure hope it mends soon , I do miss it so .
Monday, May 24, 2010
Betrayal
As the lies spewed from your mouth faster than thoughts could fill your head ...at most but surely not least, I'm sure you did your mama proud.
Afterall I'm just another face in the crowd, doesn't matter how much you've hurt me now.
Don't expect me to look at you with loving eyes the way I once did..back when I still believed in you and adored you.
I should've realized her blood was always in you and it was just a matter time before your own fangs began to grow.
A voice inside my head always told me to trust in you...that little voice is dead now along with all the aspirations I had for you.
You didn't bring me down thou.. just merely grazed the surface..and made me see you for what you truly are.
Afterall I'm just another face in the crowd, doesn't matter how much you've hurt me now.
Don't expect me to look at you with loving eyes the way I once did..back when I still believed in you and adored you.
I should've realized her blood was always in you and it was just a matter time before your own fangs began to grow.
A voice inside my head always told me to trust in you...that little voice is dead now along with all the aspirations I had for you.
You didn't bring me down thou.. just merely grazed the surface..and made me see you for what you truly are.
Monday, April 19, 2010
orginally wrote 4/19/10
Starting to believe I'm just not meant to be....
Learning to accept that I just don't deserve to be...
Quite certain it doesn't even really matter if I am ...
Positively no reason to be...
Whats the point in even trying to be...
There's nothing more wasteful than thriving to be...
There must be a logical explaination as to why I can never be...
Daily I look around me and see tons of people that are ...
So why can't I be...
- - - - - comes before so many holidays and special occasions.
It's such a sad reality , that I'll never be.....
The missing word remains the same in all these lines.
It echos thur my mind over and over each day that passes by.
Its no special game, just what life has become for me.
So without wasting anymore time , or spinning anymore rythmes, I'll tell you the word...in case you haven't already guessed it.........HAPPY.
One last part to this sad little game...go back and re-read each line adding the missing word....and maybe then you'll understand my pain.
Starting to believe I'm just not meant to be....
Learning to accept that I just don't deserve to be...
Quite certain it doesn't even really matter if I am ...
Positively no reason to be...
Whats the point in even trying to be...
There's nothing more wasteful than thriving to be...
There must be a logical explaination as to why I can never be...
Daily I look around me and see tons of people that are ...
So why can't I be...
- - - - - comes before so many holidays and special occasions.
It's such a sad reality , that I'll never be.....
The missing word remains the same in all these lines.
It echos thur my mind over and over each day that passes by.
Its no special game, just what life has become for me.
So without wasting anymore time , or spinning anymore rythmes, I'll tell you the word...in case you haven't already guessed it.........HAPPY.
One last part to this sad little game...go back and re-read each line adding the missing word....and maybe then you'll understand my pain.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Just once I'd like to have my own damn time! Doing completely what I want all damn day! Even if that meant being lazy all damn day and watching tv! Perhaps out to shop and for a nice long walk! NO one to bother me , no one to ask me for help, no cooking cleaning.. just me myself and I all damn day!!!!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Lost my Car..
I went to walmart this week all by myself. I was not excited to be going alone and kid-free. No not me. While I was there enjoying my shopping trip, I was not stressed out and I most certainly did not lose my car. Not way not me. There's no way I would have ask the buggy boy to help me put kitty litter in my trunk after he helped me find my car. No way I have way too much pride for that. I was not embarassed either.. no way not me.
Lets not forget the week before..trip to walmart as well. While out in the parking lot walking to my car, I did not almost get run over by a truck. NO way not me. As I passed behind this truck, It did not start and start to back up. I did not have to run to get out of the way. No way, I was not in that much danger. I did not scream at the driver "Jesus Dude!" no way I'm much to classy for that. When I got home and told hubby he did not downplay the whole experience. No way he was so comforting.
So what have you not been up to this week.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I'm perfect, I'm fine, I'm great, I'm wonderful me
What could be wrong with a world full of glee
Drifting away on a sea of dreams
While resting my head a buoy of hope
All that's magically happens to me
All that's practical happens to me
All that's logical happens to me.
What could be wrong with a world full of glee?
Sinking? No , Not me.
I'm perfectly fine, Wonderful , FREE
losing my mind? No, not me.
I'm great , I'm awesome , Wonderfully sastified
What could be wrong with a world full of glee?
Fear and worry, Get away from me.
Leave me alone, go on get, leave!
I'm perfectly fine, wonderful me
What could be wrong with a world full of glee?
Why won't anyone believe me?
I'm perfect, I'm fine, I'm wonderful me
Painfully happy,don't you see?
Accepting my fate..
Hoping its too late..
Wasting away..
Just let me be.. I'm perfectly fine , I'm great , I'm wonderful me...
What could be wrong with a world full of glee
Drifting away on a sea of dreams
While resting my head a buoy of hope
All that's magically happens to me
All that's practical happens to me
All that's logical happens to me.
What could be wrong with a world full of glee?
Sinking? No , Not me.
I'm perfectly fine, Wonderful , FREE
losing my mind? No, not me.
I'm great , I'm awesome , Wonderfully sastified
What could be wrong with a world full of glee?
Fear and worry, Get away from me.
Leave me alone, go on get, leave!
I'm perfectly fine, wonderful me
What could be wrong with a world full of glee?
Why won't anyone believe me?
I'm perfect, I'm fine, I'm wonderful me
Painfully happy,don't you see?
Accepting my fate..
Hoping its too late..
Wasting away..
Just let me be.. I'm perfectly fine , I'm great , I'm wonderful me...
Monday, March 1, 2010
My short and sweet, NOT ME MONDAY...
This week the kids finally went back to school and I was not jumping for joy. Having them home for so long because of the weather was not terrible. NO way it was a total blast , can't wait to do it again! Oh and I am NOT sick of all this snow. I Love it , bring on the snow!!
Did I mention that I'm so thrilled the snow caused our roof to leak? Yes this was Not a bad thing..perhaps now I'll get a new roof. So thank you mother nature and winter snow. Oh but wait there is more... I am NOT upset about having to wait months for a contractor to look at the damage because they are so backed up with all these wonderful leaking roofs. No not me, no one bit upset. I love to put the bucket in the dinning room to catch the water!
So to conclude my rant , I do Not Hate the snow, I love every little white flake that falls!
So what have you NOT been up to this week?
Thursday, February 11, 2010
No more drafts...
In case you are all wondering..no I didn't write all these new posts today,. I just published a list of saved drafts I had.
- In a world where fairy tales go untold , stories of deceit and lies begin to unfold. Freezing cold stone hearts, bruised, broken and ripped apart. Evil eyes piercing through the soul leaving one feeling completely lost and out of control. A Fear, feeling of sheer hopelessness, that no one should ever know, consumes all without remorse. A method of madness , wreaking force that takes action without regret. A victim of circumstance, stands alone , scared and wanting to go home. Only , home isn't a choice anymore. Stumbling along , searching for a reason while screaming to be heard and realizing there's a lesson to be learned. In the darkness , a voice calls out "Come with me , I can help you out..". With shaking hands reaching out , letting go of all doubt....she grabs his hand and begins to stand. This could be her last chance. Proming herself "I'll only go forward, no more looking back..."
- Promised myself I wouldn't do this or that... feel...trust ... believe....want.... hope. Yet I have Now its too late.. to far gone ..sadness has moved in ..angry took over my skin, leaving emptyness and doubt..disowning all that is my soul.. ever fearing never knowing true happiness ... doubting all .....This is what i've become because I let "Pleasantly Numb" into my little world..
- What to do...what to do.. just don't know ...Thru and Thru...thought those feelings Thru...done with you.. done with you.. head says we're done...heart screams ... we've just begun... what the hell am i to do...reality says.. can't ever be.. just wasn't' meant to be...stars say ...wishes come true ...thoughts dancing round and round on a cloud...thinking it, but can't dare say it out loud...truth can't be found.. truth doesn't exist...what is all this nonsense..crazy crazy .. i think i am...damn damn...what a mess I am...how can this be... how can thoughts become feelings...taken over me... wake up wake up... this must be a dream...as real as its seems... just can't ever be....won't allow won't allow...somehow got to destroy these feeling now...can't let them be.. can't give in to them...lock the heart .. throw away the key...oh damn me.. damn me...for ever letting them in ...what to do ... what to do... just don't know what I'll do. Lost in my own feelings.... lonely in my own thoughts...trapped in my own mind..in heart and in soul...you've got a place...but in reality....its a place you'll never know...so much we'll never know...so much ...
- In a world that breeds greed, this is what I want..this is what I need Deceit, betrayal, and distrust. Decorated by a colorful world of lust. Illuminated by the fiery eyes that will scorch the soul and penetrate all that lies within. Half-truths exaggerated to the point of belief and beyond any measure of faith. Promising to give all that you have as you slowly become aware of your slipping grip. Forgotten is the life you once knew, tossed aside to make room for the abnormal familarities that have taken over you.
2/11/10 orginal date.
Desperation cries out over the miles, as a single tear drop falls to the ground
Sadness hangs around like a sad clown that no one wants around
Forgetting the pain should be as easy as breathing but somehow it never seems to fade
Going insane, losing all control, it's increasingly becoming the norm
Derailing train of thought, silently falling into the lair that lies beneath
All hope is lost to the night, time to give up and give in
Broken, bruised and used , there's nothing left to abuse
Losing consciousness, slipping away...so much better than dealing with the pain.
Confusion runs through my veins like saline Thur an IV. On my best day, I'm as sane as the man in room 303, second floor of the nut ward. He screams , he cries, he begs, he pleads, down on his knees , "This isn't where I'm supposed to be!! Please let me leave!".............
so much
so much of me that no one will ever see
so much they expect of me
So much that they just would not believe
so much pain consumes me
so much fear lives within me
so much deceit breeds in me
so much of me that you don't' see
so much so that if I told you so , you'd never recognize me
So much so If you knew the truth, you'd no longer love me
So this is why I only let you see what you want to believe.
so much they expect of me
So much that they just would not believe
so much pain consumes me
so much fear lives within me
so much deceit breeds in me
so much of me that you don't' see
so much so that if I told you so , you'd never recognize me
So much so If you knew the truth, you'd no longer love me
So this is why I only let you see what you want to believe.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Quotes
Most of these quotes are not mine but I found them interesting and wanted to share. Some of them were written by famous people and others by people like you and me. I hope you enjoy them. Perhaps I'll throw in a few quotes or saying that I've made up.
Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.---Frederick Buechner
You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day.----Marian Wright Edelman
Only do what your heart tells you.---Princess Diana
Sam Nunn:
You have to pay the price. You will find that everything in life exacts a price, and you will have to decide whether the price is worth the prize.
Eleanor Roosevelt:
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Blaise Pascal:
We must learn our limits. We are all something, but none of us are everything
Frank Crane:
You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.
Franklin D. Roosevelt:
The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
Our distrust is very expensive.
Elizabeth Gilbert:
The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams.
Jesse Jackson:
No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to flee and fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams.
John Lennon:
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one.
Mark Twain:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
William Arthur Ward:
Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you
Scott Alexander:
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
Herbert B. Swope:
I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure: which is: Try to please everybody.
Laurence J. Peter:
There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought.
Winston Churchill:
Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm
Mary Wollstonecraft:
No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks
Abraham Lincoln (attributed):
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.
Mark Twain:
Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.
Sir Walter Scott:
Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!
Thomas Jefferson:
He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at length it becomes habitual.
Abraham Lincoln:
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.-
Aristotle:
Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient.
Edith Wharton:
If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time.
James Oppenheim:
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
Ramona L. Anderson:
People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.
Blaise Pascal:
We are all something, but none of us are everything
Cardinal De Retz:
A man who doesn't trust himself can never really trust anyone else.
Carla Gordon:
If someone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago.
Eleanor Roosevelt:
I think somehow we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:
People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within.
John Steinbeck:
If we could learn to like ourselves, even a little, maybe our cruelties and angers might melt away.
Christopher Reeve:
Once you choose hope, anything's possible.
Robert G. Ingersoll:
Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity
William Sloane Coffin:
Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion for the possible.
Winston Churchill:
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Clarence Darrow:
Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coattails.
Mark Twain:
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt
So here are a few random ones that I wrote.. feel free to comment or add some of your own.
"When the best laid plans fall Thur, hoping and dreaming is the best that you can do. You just might be surprised to find what the future holds for you."
"A great man is like a piece of art work and can be a million dollar masterpiece when hung right!"
"A great friendship is like a building. when the foundation is strong, it can last a lifetime."
"Life can be like a bulls pin, dangerous to walk through, and always full of BULLSHIT!"
"One man's drama is another man's fantasy."
"We all choices to make, chances to take and a hell of alot at stake, wisdom will guide you through."
"I'm a robot that has just been reprogrammed and had all the right buttons pushed."
"Grow to like me, Grow to hate, either way I'm growing on you."
Perhaps I'll add more of my own later...hope u liked these quotes.
Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.---Frederick Buechner
You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day.----Marian Wright Edelman
Only do what your heart tells you.---Princess Diana
Sam Nunn:
You have to pay the price. You will find that everything in life exacts a price, and you will have to decide whether the price is worth the prize.
Eleanor Roosevelt:
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Blaise Pascal:
We must learn our limits. We are all something, but none of us are everything
Frank Crane:
You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.
Franklin D. Roosevelt:
The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
Our distrust is very expensive.
Elizabeth Gilbert:
The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams.
Jesse Jackson:
No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to flee and fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams.
John Lennon:
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one.
Mark Twain:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
William Arthur Ward:
Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you
Scott Alexander:
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
Herbert B. Swope:
I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure: which is: Try to please everybody.
Laurence J. Peter:
There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought.
Winston Churchill:
Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm
Mary Wollstonecraft:
No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks
Abraham Lincoln (attributed):
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.
Mark Twain:
Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.
Sir Walter Scott:
Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!
Thomas Jefferson:
He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at length it becomes habitual.
Abraham Lincoln:
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.-
Aristotle:
Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient.
Edith Wharton:
If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time.
James Oppenheim:
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
Ramona L. Anderson:
People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.
Blaise Pascal:
We are all something, but none of us are everything
Cardinal De Retz:
A man who doesn't trust himself can never really trust anyone else.
Carla Gordon:
If someone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago.
Eleanor Roosevelt:
I think somehow we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:
People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within.
John Steinbeck:
If we could learn to like ourselves, even a little, maybe our cruelties and angers might melt away.
Christopher Reeve:
Once you choose hope, anything's possible.
Robert G. Ingersoll:
Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity
William Sloane Coffin:
Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion for the possible.
Winston Churchill:
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Clarence Darrow:
Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coattails.
Mark Twain:
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt
So here are a few random ones that I wrote.. feel free to comment or add some of your own.
"When the best laid plans fall Thur, hoping and dreaming is the best that you can do. You just might be surprised to find what the future holds for you."
"A great man is like a piece of art work and can be a million dollar masterpiece when hung right!"
"A great friendship is like a building. when the foundation is strong, it can last a lifetime."
"Life can be like a bulls pin, dangerous to walk through, and always full of BULLSHIT!"
"One man's drama is another man's fantasy."
"We all choices to make, chances to take and a hell of alot at stake, wisdom will guide you through."
"I'm a robot that has just been reprogrammed and had all the right buttons pushed."
"Grow to like me, Grow to hate, either way I'm growing on you."
Perhaps I'll add more of my own later...hope u liked these quotes.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Not me Monday Time!!!
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
This was a full of week of not Me's and most definitely not Me's. While driving home from the store, I was not speeding,not even a tad bit and I certainly would not have slowed down when I saw a cop behind me, because I did not see a cop and I never would have disobeyed the speeding law. Therefore, I did not stare repeatedly at my rear view mirror and I did not decrease my speed. No way , never would I do such a thing. I did not secretly hope and pray he'd just turn around and find someone else to make nervous.
Tuesday I did not let my daughter skip her tutoring class just because she says it is so boring. No way I made her go , like good moms are supposed to. Put education first and play time later. So there is just no way I let her skip it. Not me!
I got plenty of rest this week. No way did I stay up past 3 am almost ever night. I was in bed early, like I'm supposed to. And if I had stayed up that late, my time would not have been spend mostly on the Internet talking to friends, because I have more important responsibilities to tend to.
I had a full of week of meals planned this week too. So we definitely did not have pizza for dinner twice and Chinese take out. Nope not me, I was well organized and prepared meals for the family.
Oh and Friday , I certainly would not have taken just one child out to dinner and the mall , leaving 3 others at home to have pizza. I wouldn't have done that because One on one time and quality time are not important. I am a fair mommy so no way I would have taken just one child.
As for Saturday, I did not have a mini panic attack after doing the bills. I am way to cool, calm and collective for that. Seeing how broke I am would NOT make me want to hide and cry. I am way stronger than that. Also, I did not decide to pay only half my bills, because feeding my family is NOT nearly important as the bill collectors getting paid. I did NOT enjoy grocery shopping and ignoring the bills.
Lastly on to Sunday , I did not get woke up early than I wanted just to go buy french frys. After coming back with the frys , hubby did NOT say, "Oh I should have asked you to buy pop." after that I did not stare at him with the evil eye look.
I was Not happy to finally be on my way to the mountains to my parents house. I was NOT excited about going to a bridal shower with my mom, daughter and niece. On the way there we tried to listen to my new CD in my mom's car. Of course I did not listen to her warning, "umm my CD player sometimes keeps Cd's , you may not want to put it in," So after said CD player ejected it once , I did NOT press my luck and put it back in the CD player. No that would have been really stupid. But that wonderful CD player did NOT keep my brand new CD. No I still have it , its just invisible. Mom did not say, "you'll get it back in about a month, that's how long it took your brother to get his CD back. " No way she said that, I would remember. Just like that warning that she did NOT SAY. SO I'm not in the least upset about losing my new Sugarland CD. Of course I did not laugh my Ass off about the whole situation.
I did not have Mcdonalds for breakfast this morning. NO I always make healthy choices. I did not Enjoy getting off work early. NOt me, I need the money way to much to be enjoying leaving early. I did not take a nice relaxing shower after my I worked Because I did not have spare time. Because If I did have spare time , I would have used it to do some cleaning. I am not that selfish anyway.
Lasty I was NOT a cranky Bitch for a few hours! No way, not me. I am way to cool for that.
So what have you NOT been up to today?
This was a full of week of not Me's and most definitely not Me's. While driving home from the store, I was not speeding,not even a tad bit and I certainly would not have slowed down when I saw a cop behind me, because I did not see a cop and I never would have disobeyed the speeding law. Therefore, I did not stare repeatedly at my rear view mirror and I did not decrease my speed. No way , never would I do such a thing. I did not secretly hope and pray he'd just turn around and find someone else to make nervous.
Tuesday I did not let my daughter skip her tutoring class just because she says it is so boring. No way I made her go , like good moms are supposed to. Put education first and play time later. So there is just no way I let her skip it. Not me!
I got plenty of rest this week. No way did I stay up past 3 am almost ever night. I was in bed early, like I'm supposed to. And if I had stayed up that late, my time would not have been spend mostly on the Internet talking to friends, because I have more important responsibilities to tend to.
I had a full of week of meals planned this week too. So we definitely did not have pizza for dinner twice and Chinese take out. Nope not me, I was well organized and prepared meals for the family.
Oh and Friday , I certainly would not have taken just one child out to dinner and the mall , leaving 3 others at home to have pizza. I wouldn't have done that because One on one time and quality time are not important. I am a fair mommy so no way I would have taken just one child.
As for Saturday, I did not have a mini panic attack after doing the bills. I am way to cool, calm and collective for that. Seeing how broke I am would NOT make me want to hide and cry. I am way stronger than that. Also, I did not decide to pay only half my bills, because feeding my family is NOT nearly important as the bill collectors getting paid. I did NOT enjoy grocery shopping and ignoring the bills.
Lastly on to Sunday , I did not get woke up early than I wanted just to go buy french frys. After coming back with the frys , hubby did NOT say, "Oh I should have asked you to buy pop." after that I did not stare at him with the evil eye look.
I was Not happy to finally be on my way to the mountains to my parents house. I was NOT excited about going to a bridal shower with my mom, daughter and niece. On the way there we tried to listen to my new CD in my mom's car. Of course I did not listen to her warning, "umm my CD player sometimes keeps Cd's , you may not want to put it in," So after said CD player ejected it once , I did NOT press my luck and put it back in the CD player. No that would have been really stupid. But that wonderful CD player did NOT keep my brand new CD. No I still have it , its just invisible. Mom did not say, "you'll get it back in about a month, that's how long it took your brother to get his CD back. " No way she said that, I would remember. Just like that warning that she did NOT SAY. SO I'm not in the least upset about losing my new Sugarland CD. Of course I did not laugh my Ass off about the whole situation.
I did not have Mcdonalds for breakfast this morning. NO I always make healthy choices. I did not Enjoy getting off work early. NOt me, I need the money way to much to be enjoying leaving early. I did not take a nice relaxing shower after my I worked Because I did not have spare time. Because If I did have spare time , I would have used it to do some cleaning. I am not that selfish anyway.
Lasty I was NOT a cranky Bitch for a few hours! No way, not me. I am way to cool for that.
So what have you NOT been up to today?
dead of the night
In the dead of the night, lying awake , wishing this pain would escape through an open window. Mistakes and heartbreaks have been made. Endure the pain, lie in the bed that of which you have made! Used and played, hope you got as good as you gave.
When morning comes it'll be too late, fate's already decided the path that you should take. Moments in time , lost, forgotten, and erased. Whatever happens now is no longer up to you.
Images scorched in your brain, making it nearly impossible to forget. Worst part isn't even over yet, regret has taken up permanent residency in your soul. Abandon any feelings you ever had, and learn to live with what you've become. So Sad , too bad but deceit has its price. The time has come to pay up! So sorry for your bad luck , this is what happens when you press you luck and push your limits.
This is your life now , buried in sin, go on and live it!!........
When morning comes it'll be too late, fate's already decided the path that you should take. Moments in time , lost, forgotten, and erased. Whatever happens now is no longer up to you.
Images scorched in your brain, making it nearly impossible to forget. Worst part isn't even over yet, regret has taken up permanent residency in your soul. Abandon any feelings you ever had, and learn to live with what you've become. So Sad , too bad but deceit has its price. The time has come to pay up! So sorry for your bad luck , this is what happens when you press you luck and push your limits.
This is your life now , buried in sin, go on and live it!!........
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I don't need no damn sleep!!!
Its 4:48 am.. I should be sleeping but yet I'm more awake that any normal person should be. What the hell is wrong with me? Why the fuck am I not tired? Thou sleep may be a natural process and necessary for one to do, its just not something my system can do or put on a schedule. Perhaps I'm the exception to the rule and sleep isn't' necessary for me. I've functioned on as little as 3 hours of sleep before. Bed at 5am, up at 8 and out the door by 9am. See easy peasy. Ah who needs sleep anyway, its highly overrated and just not my thing. Sleep is for the bears on a cold winter day.
Well hubby went to bed and says "our room is trashed!!" so guess I'll get off my ass and clean the bed off. Doesn't mean I'll sleep thou.
WE shall see.. perhaps I'll be back to add more to this. Good night my readers.. no wait.. good morning, its now 4:57 am.
sleep..ya whatever..as I scream to hubby "I said I'm coming damn it!!"
Well hubby went to bed and says "our room is trashed!!" so guess I'll get off my ass and clean the bed off. Doesn't mean I'll sleep thou.
WE shall see.. perhaps I'll be back to add more to this. Good night my readers.. no wait.. good morning, its now 4:57 am.
sleep..ya whatever..as I scream to hubby "I said I'm coming damn it!!"
Mother , Daughter Time!
Today my daughter and I finally had some long over due quality one on one time. I picked her up after school and after spending 30 minutes looking for my step son ( we won't go there thou,extremely angry!) We were on our way to dinner and the mall!
We were going to have Chinese food but decided on a buffet instead. It was so nice to get away just her and I. She ordered her pop and says.. I want a big cup! It was too cute! We sat in the corner by the window, my favorite spot, away from the noise. The whole way to the restaurant she kept saying she wanted steak but when it came down to it , she ate chicken legs instead. Many chicken legs, more than I would have thought she had room for. Most parents would make their child eat a variety but I was just happy that she was eating at all and getting a full tummy. We talked and laughed over dinner like old friends. Usually her and I argue but tonight we did not. It was awesome! We stayed at the restaurant for a few hours and time just didn't matter. Her and I really need to do this more often. When you live with 5 other people its hard to get away and have one on one time.
After dinner , we went to the mall. Took our time going in every store. I do believe we looked at every piece of jewelry in this one store and all the purses. She was like a little adult. She had her hyper moments too but I kept my cool and didn't let her get on my nerves. I had promised her that we would not fight. so we didn't.
We stopped the pretzel place. Got Pretzel sticks and the best lemon aide ever! We sat on a bench while she ate and watching people go by. The mall was so full of teenagers. OMG.. some of there clothes and styles were so out there. As one girl passed us dressed oddly, my daughter says "mom did you see her pants and boot?!" I was laughing so hard. It was so good to laugh with her.
We stayed at the mall until closing. It was the greatest evening ever! She kept telling it was the best day ever! I can't wait to do this again. I love my daughter so much!
We were going to have Chinese food but decided on a buffet instead. It was so nice to get away just her and I. She ordered her pop and says.. I want a big cup! It was too cute! We sat in the corner by the window, my favorite spot, away from the noise. The whole way to the restaurant she kept saying she wanted steak but when it came down to it , she ate chicken legs instead. Many chicken legs, more than I would have thought she had room for. Most parents would make their child eat a variety but I was just happy that she was eating at all and getting a full tummy. We talked and laughed over dinner like old friends. Usually her and I argue but tonight we did not. It was awesome! We stayed at the restaurant for a few hours and time just didn't matter. Her and I really need to do this more often. When you live with 5 other people its hard to get away and have one on one time.
After dinner , we went to the mall. Took our time going in every store. I do believe we looked at every piece of jewelry in this one store and all the purses. She was like a little adult. She had her hyper moments too but I kept my cool and didn't let her get on my nerves. I had promised her that we would not fight. so we didn't.
We stopped the pretzel place. Got Pretzel sticks and the best lemon aide ever! We sat on a bench while she ate and watching people go by. The mall was so full of teenagers. OMG.. some of there clothes and styles were so out there. As one girl passed us dressed oddly, my daughter says "mom did you see her pants and boot?!" I was laughing so hard. It was so good to laugh with her.
We stayed at the mall until closing. It was the greatest evening ever! She kept telling it was the best day ever! I can't wait to do this again. I love my daughter so much!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
spending time with my man!
Today hubby and I spent the day together, since it was my off day. I've been dying to spend my $25 best buy gift card. We Had been planning to spend today together for a week. After dropping my daughter off at school, we were on our way.
First stop, Best buy to spend my gift card. Woot Woot, a whole $25! It was a nice drive to best buy down a long twisting country road. Sun was shinning a bit and the scenery was just gorgeous. When we got to the store there was a door greeter at the entrance. My hubby's first words were "Woah!" as he stared hard at this man. Dude looked like he had just stepped out of the 70's or maybe even the local homeless shelter. He had long straight hair, a bushy beard and was covered in tattoos. Not really the picture perfect image for a door greeter. We both laughed and couldn't help to stare as we passed by him. Once over that little giggle, I began my search and was determined to use my gift card. My man walked off to the computers, while I started with the Cd's and whatever I could find under 25 bucks. A few store associates approached me asking " Is there anything I can help you with?" but of course as always, I replied with my typical response "No thank you I'm just looking." Scoping out every aisle, I wandered the store in search of the perfect thing to get. Eventually I had narrowed it down to CDs, books, movies, pc games and handheld touch screen games. Finally I made my decision and picked a Sugarland CD, freecell electronic handheld game and orange fayco pop. At the checkout my total was $28 and I knew it was wrong because I had carefully picked items within the gift card amount. So I speak up and say, umm how much was this pop (it was the only thing I didn't' know a price for). The cashier checks and then I have him tell me how much each item was. My game scanned as the wrong price. It was showing up $14.99 but it was clearly marked on the shelf as $9.99. Of course I wasn't' letting this one go, I piped up and said " NO that game is 9.99, that is what the tag said." He goes to look and like I already knew , I was right. So problem solved , prices fixed, I was a happy customer and on my way.
Next stop , Lunch at the Olive Garden! The restaurant wasn't' quite open yet, so we stood outside for a bit. Freezing my butt off too! A group of old men were standing around with us waiting to go inside. They looked like old friends meeting for lunch to catch up. Before we knew it , someone came to unlock the doors and soon we'd be enjoying a nice Italian meal. Everything on the menu looked so delicious that I was having a hard time deciding on just one thing. Usually its hubby that can't decide. We ordered an appetizer, Smoked Mozzarella Fondue. Finally after about ten minutes of staring at the menu, I made my decision and picked Manicotti Formaggio with Chicken. Omg it was so good! Hubby ordered the Chicken Scampi, unlimited soup and salad. It was so nice to have lunch without the kids. Just hubby and I , enjoying each others company. We took our time eating, talking and taking it all in. While desert looked so good , there just wasn't room. I turned my new cd on and we were headed for home.
After driving for awhile and giving our stomach a chance to settle we agreed that we could squeeze in some desert. We both wanted ice cream so we stopped at Dairy Queen close to home and had waffle bowls. I had a chocolate coated waffle bowl with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, strawberries and cool whip. Yummy! Hubby had to have chocolate ice cream with his. I made sure I finished all of my ice cream. It was oh so good!!! MMM wish I had more!
Finally we were home and it was time to get back to our normal life with house full of kids and no where quiet, but the good times were not quite finished. Hubby suggested I order the kids pizza and skip out on cooking. Awesome idea, I thought so I ordered them 2 pizzas.
I had the most perfect day with the greatest man ever! I Love my man so much!
First stop, Best buy to spend my gift card. Woot Woot, a whole $25! It was a nice drive to best buy down a long twisting country road. Sun was shinning a bit and the scenery was just gorgeous. When we got to the store there was a door greeter at the entrance. My hubby's first words were "Woah!" as he stared hard at this man. Dude looked like he had just stepped out of the 70's or maybe even the local homeless shelter. He had long straight hair, a bushy beard and was covered in tattoos. Not really the picture perfect image for a door greeter. We both laughed and couldn't help to stare as we passed by him. Once over that little giggle, I began my search and was determined to use my gift card. My man walked off to the computers, while I started with the Cd's and whatever I could find under 25 bucks. A few store associates approached me asking " Is there anything I can help you with?" but of course as always, I replied with my typical response "No thank you I'm just looking." Scoping out every aisle, I wandered the store in search of the perfect thing to get. Eventually I had narrowed it down to CDs, books, movies, pc games and handheld touch screen games. Finally I made my decision and picked a Sugarland CD, freecell electronic handheld game and orange fayco pop. At the checkout my total was $28 and I knew it was wrong because I had carefully picked items within the gift card amount. So I speak up and say, umm how much was this pop (it was the only thing I didn't' know a price for). The cashier checks and then I have him tell me how much each item was. My game scanned as the wrong price. It was showing up $14.99 but it was clearly marked on the shelf as $9.99. Of course I wasn't' letting this one go, I piped up and said " NO that game is 9.99, that is what the tag said." He goes to look and like I already knew , I was right. So problem solved , prices fixed, I was a happy customer and on my way.
Next stop , Lunch at the Olive Garden! The restaurant wasn't' quite open yet, so we stood outside for a bit. Freezing my butt off too! A group of old men were standing around with us waiting to go inside. They looked like old friends meeting for lunch to catch up. Before we knew it , someone came to unlock the doors and soon we'd be enjoying a nice Italian meal. Everything on the menu looked so delicious that I was having a hard time deciding on just one thing. Usually its hubby that can't decide. We ordered an appetizer, Smoked Mozzarella Fondue. Finally after about ten minutes of staring at the menu, I made my decision and picked Manicotti Formaggio with Chicken. Omg it was so good! Hubby ordered the Chicken Scampi, unlimited soup and salad. It was so nice to have lunch without the kids. Just hubby and I , enjoying each others company. We took our time eating, talking and taking it all in. While desert looked so good , there just wasn't room. I turned my new cd on and we were headed for home.
After driving for awhile and giving our stomach a chance to settle we agreed that we could squeeze in some desert. We both wanted ice cream so we stopped at Dairy Queen close to home and had waffle bowls. I had a chocolate coated waffle bowl with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, strawberries and cool whip. Yummy! Hubby had to have chocolate ice cream with his. I made sure I finished all of my ice cream. It was oh so good!!! MMM wish I had more!
Finally we were home and it was time to get back to our normal life with house full of kids and no where quiet, but the good times were not quite finished. Hubby suggested I order the kids pizza and skip out on cooking. Awesome idea, I thought so I ordered them 2 pizzas.
I had the most perfect day with the greatest man ever! I Love my man so much!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Not me monday
Today I did not wake up cranky , I was wide awake and ready to start my day, with bells on.
When the kids brought friends over after school unexpectedly , I did not take the easy way out and buy pizza, Nope not me. What kind of mother does that?
While listening to my 8 year old tell a vivid story about getting her drivers licenses and all the great places she went today, I did not wish I was her and lived in her world of imagination. No not me.
After dinner I did not escape the basement and pretend to do laundry just to enjoy the silence. Never would I do such a thing.. nope not I.
I did not clean 3 cat boxes just to keep occupied. Not me.
Tonight I will not let the dishes set in the sink , just so I can talk to friends. No not I.
When the kids brought friends over after school unexpectedly , I did not take the easy way out and buy pizza, Nope not me. What kind of mother does that?
While listening to my 8 year old tell a vivid story about getting her drivers licenses and all the great places she went today, I did not wish I was her and lived in her world of imagination. No not me.
After dinner I did not escape the basement and pretend to do laundry just to enjoy the silence. Never would I do such a thing.. nope not I.
I did not clean 3 cat boxes just to keep occupied. Not me.
Tonight I will not let the dishes set in the sink , just so I can talk to friends. No not I.
Friday, January 15, 2010
So I've been wondering something. Why is life like a never ending roller coaster ride? Starts out with a slow up hill climb. Nervously , you look around as the hill gets steeper and steeper. Closer to the top, holding your breath because soon you know the drop is coming. Anticipation and emotions building more and more ,the closer you get. Your cart made it to the top...look out stomach , here comes the knots. Quick jerks and down a huge drop, your world is spinning and you think you might throw up. Its the same feeling you get when your life starts to fall apart. Broken heart, broken dreams , everything you once knew ,completely coming apart at the seams.
Life spins round just like a merry-go-round, making me dizzy all the while.
All this is making very confused, like walking through the fun house.
So many mirrors , faces staring back at you but which is real, who's the fake?
Will I find out before its too late?
One can not say what will happen when you put all your all trust in the ride.
Living for the thrills, putting aside all your fears, laughing til it hurts, until the ride slows to a stop. Heart beating right out of your chest , its time to find a new ride, wait, and see if its as good as the last.
As you leave the park at the end of the day, you realize all memories last awhile and eventually some fade away.....
Life spins round just like a merry-go-round, making me dizzy all the while.
All this is making very confused, like walking through the fun house.
So many mirrors , faces staring back at you but which is real, who's the fake?
Will I find out before its too late?
One can not say what will happen when you put all your all trust in the ride.
Living for the thrills, putting aside all your fears, laughing til it hurts, until the ride slows to a stop. Heart beating right out of your chest , its time to find a new ride, wait, and see if its as good as the last.
As you leave the park at the end of the day, you realize all memories last awhile and eventually some fade away.....
Uncensored...
Tonight its time I speak my mind, no more censoring, no more editing, or deleting to protect the feelings, thoughts or ideas of others. Readers beware the gloves have come off and nothing is off limits.
With so much on my mind I'm not sure where to start. This should be easy but its not. Ah just need to find my groove and uncover the mood. Time to get this ball rolling....
Lately I'm feeling out of sorts and out of touch with reality , with me and my whole damn life! Everything is spinning and spiraling out of control, just can't seem to get a grip. Its as if I'm stuck in a nightmare, hooked on some pills, and its going to be a bad trip baby. Nothing is ever as it seems. Nothings wrong yet there isn't anything right. Don't try to make sense of it, there isn't any.
For years on end I've been a people pleaser. Pleasing them , giving into them, just doing whatever the hell is needed to please them! Almost never do I take time out for me, please me , do what I need or want. I'd like to think I'm pretty damn selfless but others have called me a selfish bitch. Apparently my definition and theirs are not the same. I think 2010 is a year for change, time to please me for a change. They wont' be happy. They'll think I've gone insane but I don't care. If the mood strikes me and I want to dance in the rain, then damn it I'm going to fucking dance in the rain! If I want to wear one blue shoe and one red shoe, wake up outta bed with bedhead and head out the door.. then I want them to ignore me. This is my new fashion, my new creation and their opinions are not welcome. So while my ideas and thoughts might be a little on the bizarre side, you get the picture. I'm going to be a "Ruby Pleaser" and anyone who doesn't like it can just deal with it. I've dealt with far too much complaints, whines, grumbles and just shit! I'm a grown woman with responsibilities , good judgement, and morals, I deserve to be happy too!
Listening to music has distracted me and fizzled my mood. Fair warning thou...this isn't over , its just begun, I'll be back.....
With so much on my mind I'm not sure where to start. This should be easy but its not. Ah just need to find my groove and uncover the mood. Time to get this ball rolling....
Lately I'm feeling out of sorts and out of touch with reality , with me and my whole damn life! Everything is spinning and spiraling out of control, just can't seem to get a grip. Its as if I'm stuck in a nightmare, hooked on some pills, and its going to be a bad trip baby. Nothing is ever as it seems. Nothings wrong yet there isn't anything right. Don't try to make sense of it, there isn't any.
For years on end I've been a people pleaser. Pleasing them , giving into them, just doing whatever the hell is needed to please them! Almost never do I take time out for me, please me , do what I need or want. I'd like to think I'm pretty damn selfless but others have called me a selfish bitch. Apparently my definition and theirs are not the same. I think 2010 is a year for change, time to please me for a change. They wont' be happy. They'll think I've gone insane but I don't care. If the mood strikes me and I want to dance in the rain, then damn it I'm going to fucking dance in the rain! If I want to wear one blue shoe and one red shoe, wake up outta bed with bedhead and head out the door.. then I want them to ignore me. This is my new fashion, my new creation and their opinions are not welcome. So while my ideas and thoughts might be a little on the bizarre side, you get the picture. I'm going to be a "Ruby Pleaser" and anyone who doesn't like it can just deal with it. I've dealt with far too much complaints, whines, grumbles and just shit! I'm a grown woman with responsibilities , good judgement, and morals, I deserve to be happy too!
Listening to music has distracted me and fizzled my mood. Fair warning thou...this isn't over , its just begun, I'll be back.....
Monday, January 11, 2010
Bridge.....
I've stumbled upon a bridge that I am afraid to cross, thou it may be my loss, I am terrified to make a move. Pushing forward will prove fate wrong or right, but standing still will prevent me from losing it all. At this height , Is it really worth the risk.. worth the fight?
Whats waiting on the other side is a mystery that I have yet to discover. The world I'd leave behind is my safe haven , where I can hide and keep denying. If only he could see the look in my eye, there'd be no more denying. I fear that if i start on this journey , I may get stuck in the middle and if it collapses, I'll fall to into the bottomless pit below, tumbling to my death.
No search or rescue teams will come looking for me. At the bottomless pit, I'll forever remain, cold , alone , lying in pain. Nothing will ever be the same. As I lie awake at night , I'll always wonder if the other side was better than where I came from...
Staring to the sky , hope in my eyes...shooting star .......bolt of lighting...something send me a sign. Should I cross this bridge or stand here and always wonder what waited on the other side?
Whats waiting on the other side is a mystery that I have yet to discover. The world I'd leave behind is my safe haven , where I can hide and keep denying. If only he could see the look in my eye, there'd be no more denying. I fear that if i start on this journey , I may get stuck in the middle and if it collapses, I'll fall to into the bottomless pit below, tumbling to my death.
No search or rescue teams will come looking for me. At the bottomless pit, I'll forever remain, cold , alone , lying in pain. Nothing will ever be the same. As I lie awake at night , I'll always wonder if the other side was better than where I came from...
Staring to the sky , hope in my eyes...shooting star .......bolt of lighting...something send me a sign. Should I cross this bridge or stand here and always wonder what waited on the other side?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
In a world where fairy tales go untold , stories of deceit and lies begin to unfold.
Freezing cold stone hearts, bruised, broken and ripped apart.
Evil eyes piercing through the soul leaving one feeling completely lost and out of control.
A Fear, feeling of sheer hopelessness, that no one should ever know, consumes all without remorse.
A method of madness , wreaking force that takes action without regret.
A victim of circumstance, stands alone , scared and wanting to go home.
Only , home isn't a choice anymore. Stumbling along , searching for a reason while screaming to be heard and realizing there's a lesson to be learned.
In the darkness , a voice calls out "Come with me , I can help you out..". With shaking hands reaching out , letting go of all doubt....she grabs his hand and begins to stand. This could be her last chance. Proming herself "I'll only go forward, no more looking back..."
Freezing cold stone hearts, bruised, broken and ripped apart.
Evil eyes piercing through the soul leaving one feeling completely lost and out of control.
A Fear, feeling of sheer hopelessness, that no one should ever know, consumes all without remorse.
A method of madness , wreaking force that takes action without regret.
A victim of circumstance, stands alone , scared and wanting to go home.
Only , home isn't a choice anymore. Stumbling along , searching for a reason while screaming to be heard and realizing there's a lesson to be learned.
In the darkness , a voice calls out "Come with me , I can help you out..". With shaking hands reaching out , letting go of all doubt....she grabs his hand and begins to stand. This could be her last chance. Proming herself "I'll only go forward, no more looking back..."
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